Grief is the name we give to the emotional place we find ourselves after we experience a loss. Grief can consist of many emotions and there is no right or wrong way to experience grief. The word bereavement describes the period of mourning after a death. We are accustomed to the experience of death being the kind of loss which would lead to grief. In the painting we see the traditional way we understand grief - the death of a person or animal. However, grief is complex and is found in many other places, often unmourned.
When do we feel grief?
Death is not the only way we can experience grief. Every day we endure losses from the loss of jewellery, the loss of a job, the loss of a house, the loss of one’s homeland to the loss of an idea, maybe even a dream. Grief and loss arrives when we lose the thing we want or care about and the grief that comes from losing something we hoped for but never had can be particularly difficult to mourn. We can also be in touch with an existential fear of loss, a loss that feels difficult to explain, for example in the case of childhood emotional neglect.
Bereavement, Grief and Loss
What is Grief?
Symptoms you might need help with in processing your grief:
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Problems functioning at work or in the home
• Dominating thoughts of self-blame or guilt
• Life feels pointless, not worth living
• Self destructive; drugs, alcohol and sex
• Thoughts and plans of suicide
• Wishing you had died with the person
• Feeling terrified
• Jealousy/envy
Symptoms of grief stuckness might be:
• Inability to accept the loss
• Inability to move on with one’s life after the loss
• Extreme reliance/avoidance on or of something
• Numbness; on auto pilot
• Feeling as if life no longer matters after the loss
• Extreme apathy or agitation
• Inability to enjoy life in any way
• Depression
When to seek treatment for grief & loss?
We cannot go through life without experiencing loss. Grieving is both a natural and necessary process to move through the pain and emerge on the other side. The experience of loss can be one of the most profoundly painful periods of a person’s life and so it makes sense to seek help and support in the same way you might require a surgeon to help with a heart defect. Sometimes the processing of grief is simply too much to do alone.
Different cultures have different attitudes to grief. Some cultures/ families/people feel that grieving takes the time it takes. Other cultures feel it problematic to give grief too much attention. The differing attitudes we have experienced growing up and also find we are surrounded by in the present day can also be a source of conflict in knowing how we are to grieve. Sometimes we can find ourselves stuck in the loss without understanding how to grieve.
The Role of Psychotherapy in the Treatment Bereavement, Grief and Loss
I have had my own personal experiences with grief and seen how differently one person can grieve in the experience of two different losses. No one person’s grief journey is the same as another. Your journey is your own and one in which I would be privileged to sit beside you in, helping to steer the boat when the stormy seas of grief feel overwhelming and you feel like your boat could capsize. I offer a confidential and quiet space to pause and sit with what is here with you now.